I had a few thoughts swimming around in my head. I am grouchy so I may not be properly converting the thoughts into words. At present I do not care.
I started working at Pier 1 and I smell like potpourri (gross) and am covered in glitter. I like it though, as much as one can like a job that pays $8 an hour. I like arranging pretty things on shelves and helping to make people's fine home furnishing dreams come to life.
I promised myself that I would be a nicer person now that I am in my thirties. I would not judge or hate people for being "less-than". Well, that did not last long. I (insert synonym for hate) my co-worker Fuchsia (names have been changed). She has an annoying accent. She talked about eyeing up customers to make sure they are not stealing, especially pregnant women (make sure they came in the store pregnant!). I offered her an olive branch of a witty comment and she ignored me. All bets are off, Fuchsia. Yes, you can be my work-arch-nemesis.
I am so busy holding myself together when I am alone that I am unable to cry. When talking to another person about the current state of my life right now I am pretty consistent with the waterworks. When I am alone I mainly blankly stare at the TV or sleep. I am a real barrell of laughs.
Someone mentioned that they might go as my blog for Halloween since it is so scary and depressing. I am strangely flattered, the way a sociopath might be flattered that people stop and stare at the trainwreck that is their life.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Sweet sweet slumber
Jon officially moved out on Friday. I scheduled a day of fun activities away from the house so that I would not have to witness the move. I agreed to watch Sammich for a few days so that Jon could unpack his things in peace. Tonight I am delivering Sammich to Jon's new apartment (across the street from the Capital building and one block from his work) and we are exchanging goodbye gifts.
My mom and I took Spencer and Sammich to the dog park today. Sammich befriended a Great Dane, Spencer humped every dog that would let him and I befriended a woman about my age named Meghan. I suggested to my mom that maybe I would have a heterosexual life partnership with a woman since men are so tricky. She agreed that women are easier to understand and that she had read about women sharing lives together for the companionship without necessarily being lesbians.
I like the idea, although I am all talk. I have the energy for nothing beyond watching TV and occasionally showering right now. I usually manage the energy for one thing (for example: one job interview) and then need to go home and take a 4 hour nap. I look forward to the day when I feel more like myself again.
My mom and I took Spencer and Sammich to the dog park today. Sammich befriended a Great Dane, Spencer humped every dog that would let him and I befriended a woman about my age named Meghan. I suggested to my mom that maybe I would have a heterosexual life partnership with a woman since men are so tricky. She agreed that women are easier to understand and that she had read about women sharing lives together for the companionship without necessarily being lesbians.
I like the idea, although I am all talk. I have the energy for nothing beyond watching TV and occasionally showering right now. I usually manage the energy for one thing (for example: one job interview) and then need to go home and take a 4 hour nap. I look forward to the day when I feel more like myself again.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Hundred Year Old Heart
I have been in a relationship with Jon for two years (27 months, to be exact). We did all of the wonderful, mundane things that millions of people do when they are in love. We dated: movies, hikes, concerts, vacations. We were there for each other in difficult and joyous times: funerals, weddings, births. It has been over a year that we have shared a home in Elizabethtown, which is equi-distant from our two cities: Christmas decorations, weekend cooking projects, home improvements, puppy adoption. Next Friday he is moving back to Harrisburg. In five weeks I will move back to Lancaster.
Our romance breathed its last on Tuesday, September 7 shortly before midnight.
It is difficult to articulate the pain of a break-up to outside parties. Most people have been in painful break-ups of their own at one time or another, but the nature of a relationship is inherently personal.
Other people do not know the thousands of reasons why we loved one another.
In the end, specifics of both our love and the reasons for our break-up do not matter.
Our hearts are broken.
Our futures will not run parallel into infinity like we had hoped.
Fond memories of when our hopes were intertwined still linger in the air.
Our romance breathed its last on Tuesday, September 7 shortly before midnight.
It is difficult to articulate the pain of a break-up to outside parties. Most people have been in painful break-ups of their own at one time or another, but the nature of a relationship is inherently personal.
Other people do not know the thousands of reasons why we loved one another.
In the end, specifics of both our love and the reasons for our break-up do not matter.
Our hearts are broken.
Our futures will not run parallel into infinity like we had hoped.
Fond memories of when our hopes were intertwined still linger in the air.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Inspiration
A friend I have known for 12 years just told me that she had always dreamed of writing books. We have a close friendship (in my estimation) but I did not know that about her. Often so much of our interaction with others involves temporal matters and we do not talk about our hopes and desires for our life.
I just finished reading The Alchemist. My sister Bethany gave it to me as a gift like 5 years ago and I had never read it. A few weeks ago I piled all of the books I own that I have not read on my nightstand (there are like 20). Some I have started to read and never finished because they do not interest me. Others, like this one, I have just been putting off reading. Now that I am done with school I am going to read all of those books, even the ones I did not initially care for...no books left behind!
The Alchemist talks about how everyone has a Personal Legend that they must accomplish in order to have fulfilled their destiny. In the book children know what their Personal Legends are, what they dream of doing and becoming in their lifetimes. But throughout life other people and experiences tell them that those dreams are not possible and they wind up not fullfilling their life's purpose. Although this was technically fiction, I thought it was really thought-provoking.
Do you remember the dreams you had for your life as a child? Are you pursuing them? Have them come true? If not, did you let go of your dreams or just make new dreams?
I just finished reading The Alchemist. My sister Bethany gave it to me as a gift like 5 years ago and I had never read it. A few weeks ago I piled all of the books I own that I have not read on my nightstand (there are like 20). Some I have started to read and never finished because they do not interest me. Others, like this one, I have just been putting off reading. Now that I am done with school I am going to read all of those books, even the ones I did not initially care for...no books left behind!
The Alchemist talks about how everyone has a Personal Legend that they must accomplish in order to have fulfilled their destiny. In the book children know what their Personal Legends are, what they dream of doing and becoming in their lifetimes. But throughout life other people and experiences tell them that those dreams are not possible and they wind up not fullfilling their life's purpose. Although this was technically fiction, I thought it was really thought-provoking.
Do you remember the dreams you had for your life as a child? Are you pursuing them? Have them come true? If not, did you let go of your dreams or just make new dreams?
Monday, June 7, 2010
Dog Days of (late Spring)
I have not written here in months because my last semester at school was quite the ordeal. I kept rescheduling appointments and postponing hanging out with friends until I finally vowed to just catch up on my real life after I graduated. I have never been that busy, stressed and tired for such a long period of time before and I hope to never be again. I would fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. But as of May 8 I earned my bachelor's degree in Speech Communication. As soon as I find that pesky library book I will receive my diploma in the mail.
In March I gave Jon a puppy as an early birthday present. After an online poll among his friends he named the 7 week old pug (with 1/8 Jack Russell in him for funsies) Sammich, also known as Glen or more formally, (the) Sammich. He initially did not sleep through the night (horrible), loves to bite our faces and chew our shoes. He is wonderful.
Although Sammich was Jon's gift, it was also a gift to Spencer: he was lonely. He was spending long hours alone sleeping in the middle of Jon's pillow and even preferred to be up there alone when we were home. We thought a little brother would cheer him up. For the past three months Sammich has been biting his face and jumping onto his back from his puppy perch on Jon's lap. Although Spencer still spends a lot of time hiding out in our bedroom, now it is because he is hiding from curious, teething little Sammich.
When we take them on walks, Sammich smells everything Spencer smells. He will even put his face into Spencer's pee because he wants that badly to be a part of whatever Spencer is doing (believe me we have tried to stop this; and yes, it has happened more times than I can count). He barks when Spencer barks but just sits down to watch when Spencer tries (unsuccessfully) to chase a bunny. (The) Sammich has no need for such activities. Partly because he loves all creatures and partly because he is already panting from the exertion of the walk down the block.
Spencer has been coughing for about 24 hours. I am worried about him but do not want to take him to the vet yet for a number of reasons: 1. My job is unpaid for the next few months and I need to make my cash stretch MUCH longer than it usually does; 2. He had a similar cough last summer and Jon and I rushed him to the doggy ER and I paid $100 to learn that Spencer had something in his throat. Cough away, Spencer.
I Googled doggy cough remedies and read about a hundred horrible things that the cough could be a symptom of. But none that really matched his situation. Hang in there, Sir Spencer Rooney! Mommy loves you very much but is too poor to take you to the doctor if you are going to eventually dislodge whatever foreign body is in your throat. Perhaps I will take you to the doggy psychic and she will tell me where it hurts.
In March I gave Jon a puppy as an early birthday present. After an online poll among his friends he named the 7 week old pug (with 1/8 Jack Russell in him for funsies) Sammich, also known as Glen or more formally, (the) Sammich. He initially did not sleep through the night (horrible), loves to bite our faces and chew our shoes. He is wonderful.
Although Sammich was Jon's gift, it was also a gift to Spencer: he was lonely. He was spending long hours alone sleeping in the middle of Jon's pillow and even preferred to be up there alone when we were home. We thought a little brother would cheer him up. For the past three months Sammich has been biting his face and jumping onto his back from his puppy perch on Jon's lap. Although Spencer still spends a lot of time hiding out in our bedroom, now it is because he is hiding from curious, teething little Sammich.
When we take them on walks, Sammich smells everything Spencer smells. He will even put his face into Spencer's pee because he wants that badly to be a part of whatever Spencer is doing (believe me we have tried to stop this; and yes, it has happened more times than I can count). He barks when Spencer barks but just sits down to watch when Spencer tries (unsuccessfully) to chase a bunny. (The) Sammich has no need for such activities. Partly because he loves all creatures and partly because he is already panting from the exertion of the walk down the block.
Spencer has been coughing for about 24 hours. I am worried about him but do not want to take him to the vet yet for a number of reasons: 1. My job is unpaid for the next few months and I need to make my cash stretch MUCH longer than it usually does; 2. He had a similar cough last summer and Jon and I rushed him to the doggy ER and I paid $100 to learn that Spencer had something in his throat. Cough away, Spencer.
I Googled doggy cough remedies and read about a hundred horrible things that the cough could be a symptom of. But none that really matched his situation. Hang in there, Sir Spencer Rooney! Mommy loves you very much but is too poor to take you to the doctor if you are going to eventually dislodge whatever foreign body is in your throat. Perhaps I will take you to the doggy psychic and she will tell me where it hurts.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Drum roll please....
The job search has begun. I graduate in just a few months and have begun to send my resume out and about. Fingers crossed that I find something that is fulfilling. Or at least something that I do not hate. :) I have begun to get work clothes and am trying to be proactive in the search for this job. But it is ok if the job finds me.
This Pennsylvania winter is the coldest and snowiest winter I ever remember. It has snowed more than 2 feet twice, and over one foot in December. My space heater has been working overtime. Spring is a month away, but I wonder if all the snow will be melted by then. Perhaps not.
My nephew Naftali will be 3 on the 26th. He has been telling everyone that he has a birthday coming up. My brother is going to throw a birthday party inviting all of Naftali's little boy friends where they will wear horns on their heads and he will read them the story of the Billy Goats Gruff. Cutest.
Naftali will be a big brother in about a month (it is old news to Orla). We are all excited about the new baby. Hooray. Jon and I have a small wager going on what the sex of the baby will be. I think girl, he thinks boy. Did anyone ever thank heaven for little boys? No, and there is a song to prove it. (Although if they did it would be for Naffers).
I had a dream last night that I ran a marathon. But I kept stopping to take breaks, talk to people and have snacks.
This Pennsylvania winter is the coldest and snowiest winter I ever remember. It has snowed more than 2 feet twice, and over one foot in December. My space heater has been working overtime. Spring is a month away, but I wonder if all the snow will be melted by then. Perhaps not.
My nephew Naftali will be 3 on the 26th. He has been telling everyone that he has a birthday coming up. My brother is going to throw a birthday party inviting all of Naftali's little boy friends where they will wear horns on their heads and he will read them the story of the Billy Goats Gruff. Cutest.
Naftali will be a big brother in about a month (it is old news to Orla). We are all excited about the new baby. Hooray. Jon and I have a small wager going on what the sex of the baby will be. I think girl, he thinks boy. Did anyone ever thank heaven for little boys? No, and there is a song to prove it. (Although if they did it would be for Naffers).
I had a dream last night that I ran a marathon. But I kept stopping to take breaks, talk to people and have snacks.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Conan O'Brien Shennanigans
I have been following the Conan VS NBS/Jay Leno situation pretty closely. Conan has been a favorite late night host of mine for like 15 years. The other night on his show he said that he was selling the Tonight Show on Craigslist. I thought that was funny, and responded to the ad with the following:
My Dear Conan,
I would like to buy your Tonight Show. I took a good long look at my bank accounts and have decided to make you a solid offer: $75 (I could offer more, but $75 is a check you can actually take to the bank). In addition to that generous offer I also offer you the joy that comes with having a brand new bff (although I think this term is considered 90’s and has been replaced with “bestie”). In the unlikely event that my monies are inadequate, I can still offer you the best friend slot. I might even prefer that since I live in Pennsylvania and you may be moving back to the East Coast (hello, if given a choice, how could you not choose the right coast). I have been to LA and hated it. Highways. Planet Hollywoods. Meh.
A little about myself:
I am 30.
I am a veteran.
I graduate with a bachelor’s in Speech Communication this May.
I have not had a job in 18 months by choice. I live off the GI Bill, student loans, money I got in my divorce that I should have saved for retirement or a house down-payment but decided to instead squander on not having to wait tables at Chili’s during a recession while I finished school. But what started as a good reason has blossomed into an addicition. Not working is really fun. After I graduate I need to get a job. But I have such a good thing going here...I am sorry to see it go. How can I get money but still do whatever I want?
I am a dog-lover and child skeptic. I like my niece and nephew, but only when they are pretty and good. When they are dirty and bad, I start looking for the “mute” or “pause” or “off” button, but have not yet figured that out. To clarify,“off” like “sleep,” not “off” like “kill.”
Dogs on the other hand…***sigh*** …I have included a picture of my dog Sir Spencer Rooney. He is 5 and a half, likes naps, snacks, having his belly rubbed and dislikes baths. That is my exact likes/dislikes list. He was hit by a car 2 years ago. I got a divorce. He had to have a foreign body surgically removed from his stomach since he likes to eat garbage. I had to attend court-ordered alcohol counseling. The list of similarities goes on and on. If we are chosen for the show, Spencer would take over La Bamba’s job. He is an excellent musician. 
I am teetering on the fine line between regular and plus sizes. I have been mistaken for a pregnant woman 3 times in the past year but think that I look more like Peter Griffin naked than a pregnant woman. I have included a portrait from the Family Guy that accurately depicts my boyfriend and me in the shower. I like to compare myself to Peter Griffin while standing naked in front of my boyfriend. He is a lucky man. He would take over Andy's job since I imagine that you stand in front of Andy naked and compare yourself to Olive Oil and he still smiles and tells you he loves you. Although I would love to be a skinny-minny like my freaking sisters, I find that food tastes good. Also, exercising dries out my hair (sweat= the need for a shower….its a mess, why do it?) So maybe I am more plump than the average TV personality. But if Andy and Oprah can do it, why can’t I? Plus, since when was it sexy to be able to see bone on a woman’s chest (Kelly Ripa, I like you. You look hungry. I have made you a delicious sandwich. Go ahead my love…eat.) Also, the late night line up could use a lady touch I think.
You are the only comedian that has ever made me horse laugh every time I watch your show(s). My sister and I used to stay up late to watch your Late Night show in junior high and high school, holding our sides, laughing until it hurt you are so funny. So seriously: 1. Best Friendship. 2. I will be the next Tonight Show host for $75.
Forever Yours,
Regina
PS- Conan, do you want to call me so that we can get to know each other over the phone first? I thought so: 325-370-4245.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Oh, Florida
Dear Friends,
Jon and I tried to extend the relaxation of the holiday season by taking a vacation in West Palm Beach Florida this week. We did not have an agenda for the four days. We just wanted to lay on the beach & relax. We each brought several books and looked forward to the warmer climate.
Crabby old Mother Nature had other plans though. The temperatures peaked at 60 degrees and went into the 30's at night. We did our best to enjoy the warmER weather, but it did suck that for the few hours a time we were able to be outside, we were bundled in sweaters.
In addition to the unseasonablly cold weather (for Florida), our hotel had construction crews in multiple rooms right near ours. The sounds of hammers, drills and apparently a jackhammer at one point echoed through our room when we were trying to take afternoon naps or sit on the balcony. Boo!
Highlights: -Flying the screaming eagle kite. -Having one Jon rescue said kite from the ocean. -Seeing Avatar in 3D. It got horrible reviews and I don't care: I loved it. -Ordering room service and staying in being lazy Sunday night. -Monday's delicious 2 hour nap. I love Hilton's sheets: so comfy. -Getting away with my mans.
Lowlights: -Cold winds. -Crying children. -Tuesday's four hour nap: too long. I wasted too much time sleeping and hate waking up after it has been dark for a while. -Non-existent Einstein Bros. Bagels and mystical tennis courts we were never able to find. -AirTran: disorganized!
It was a nice, restful trip even though I am not tan. I missed Spencer and am looking forward to the rest of this weekend with Jon before he goes back to work. Next week I plan to visit my Grandmom, take Spencer and his Snuggie to the park, go to the gym, finish my holiday reading (I don't let myself read for pleasure while I'm in school since there is so much school reading I should-- and generally won't-- be doing) and visit with a few friends.
2010 will be a good year.
-I finish school in May and will hopefully be gainfully employed by June.
-I am planning to go to Israel to visit my dear friend Dalia for a week or two in May.
-I may go back down to Florida in March to visit my dad's parents over Spring Break. Pop pop is supposed to have knee replacement surgery in the next few months and is not a great patient. Self-involved as I am, I can be pretty entertaining in a pinch. Perhaps an oldest granddaughter is what is needed to lift the spirits of a man who (at 72) grouchily shouts, "Golden years my ass!" In my senior years I hope to be more like my mom's mother who turns 90 on February 1. She is a true matriarch and I admire her very much. She got cancer at 80, but decided it was not going to be what got her and she has been cancer free for like 8 years. I want to tackle all of life's problems with that kind of bravery.
-I will welcome a new niece/nephew in March. Jon welcomes his first niece in April. Hooray for babies!
Unless they are crying on a plane.
I love you all.
Regina Van Winkle.
PS: In other news, I watched my first episode of Big Love last week and I am hooked. It is my new favorite show.
Jon and I tried to extend the relaxation of the holiday season by taking a vacation in West Palm Beach Florida this week. We did not have an agenda for the four days. We just wanted to lay on the beach & relax. We each brought several books and looked forward to the warmer climate.
Crabby old Mother Nature had other plans though. The temperatures peaked at 60 degrees and went into the 30's at night. We did our best to enjoy the warmER weather, but it did suck that for the few hours a time we were able to be outside, we were bundled in sweaters.
In addition to the unseasonablly cold weather (for Florida), our hotel had construction crews in multiple rooms right near ours. The sounds of hammers, drills and apparently a jackhammer at one point echoed through our room when we were trying to take afternoon naps or sit on the balcony. Boo!
Highlights: -Flying the screaming eagle kite. -Having one Jon rescue said kite from the ocean. -Seeing Avatar in 3D. It got horrible reviews and I don't care: I loved it. -Ordering room service and staying in being lazy Sunday night. -Monday's delicious 2 hour nap. I love Hilton's sheets: so comfy. -Getting away with my mans.
Lowlights: -Cold winds. -Crying children. -Tuesday's four hour nap: too long. I wasted too much time sleeping and hate waking up after it has been dark for a while. -Non-existent Einstein Bros. Bagels and mystical tennis courts we were never able to find. -AirTran: disorganized!
It was a nice, restful trip even though I am not tan. I missed Spencer and am looking forward to the rest of this weekend with Jon before he goes back to work. Next week I plan to visit my Grandmom, take Spencer and his Snuggie to the park, go to the gym, finish my holiday reading (I don't let myself read for pleasure while I'm in school since there is so much school reading I should-- and generally won't-- be doing) and visit with a few friends.
2010 will be a good year.
-I finish school in May and will hopefully be gainfully employed by June.
-I am planning to go to Israel to visit my dear friend Dalia for a week or two in May.
-I may go back down to Florida in March to visit my dad's parents over Spring Break. Pop pop is supposed to have knee replacement surgery in the next few months and is not a great patient. Self-involved as I am, I can be pretty entertaining in a pinch. Perhaps an oldest granddaughter is what is needed to lift the spirits of a man who (at 72) grouchily shouts, "Golden years my ass!" In my senior years I hope to be more like my mom's mother who turns 90 on February 1. She is a true matriarch and I admire her very much. She got cancer at 80, but decided it was not going to be what got her and she has been cancer free for like 8 years. I want to tackle all of life's problems with that kind of bravery.
-I will welcome a new niece/nephew in March. Jon welcomes his first niece in April. Hooray for babies!
Unless they are crying on a plane.
I love you all.
Regina Van Winkle.
PS: In other news, I watched my first episode of Big Love last week and I am hooked. It is my new favorite show.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
So Inconvenient
I have been on a documentary kick recently. Jon & I watched An Inconvenient Truth last week and I can't stop thinking about polar bears. Due to the melting polar ice caps, there is not enough ice for the polar bears to rest on when they are out looking for food. For the first time there is evidence of polar bears drowning because they had to keep swimming without rest.
Can we please get it together and stop the damage we are doing to the Earth?
http://www.climatecrisis.net/
Regina
Can we please get it together and stop the damage we are doing to the Earth?
http://www.climatecrisis.net/
Regina
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