I really love giving advice. I am good at giving both good and bad advice.
You got haters? Fuck those fat fucks.
You hate your job? Quit today and live off the land.
Is your boyfriend being shady? I will follow him in my car like the private eye I long to be. When you decline, citing that as ridiculous behavior, I might follow him anyway and perform a small background check. Don't worry, I will only tell you if I have any juicy findings. If he turns out to be a standup guy with a penchant for youtube kitten videos and late night stress snacking, then I will simply stop telling you to break up with him.
