This blog will be about three things: tickets, moving and anxiety.
1. TICKETS. Usually I am very Zen about tickets. I get a lot of them and rarely let them get me down. Speeding tickets, parking tickets, tollbooth tickets, overdue library book tickets for chrissakes! I just park where I want and drive how I please and pay the fucking fines. But tonight I got a ticket at 11 pm and I am down about it. The cop was rude to me. He pulled me over for an expired registration that I did not even know about. He told me right away that he was giving me a ticket, even though I said that I did not receive notice that it was expiring and thought that it did not expire until the end of this month. He and a cop that emerged from a second cruiser shone their flahslights into the cab of my car and asked if I had any drugs or weapons. A third police car crept slowly by and I started to feel kind of paranoid. And I am trying to save money because I am moving so I am bummed at having to pay this damn citation...........speaking of...
2. MOVING. I am moving to NYC with my best boy friend, Kristopher Horner and of course my beloved dog Sir Spencer Rooney. We are going to see if that big old city can provide some opportunities that Lancaster is not able to provide. We are certain that there will be hijinks and adventures although I have plenty of those in my beloved Lancaster. I am happy with this decision and know that if I do not like it I can always move back. I am sad about leaving but it is time.
3. ANXIOUS. My anxiety has been through the roof recently. I am really sad about leaving Lancaster. I love it here. But I have not found a fulfilling job and I really want the chance to have a more rewarding career. I am anxious that it is not the job market, it is me. I am anxious that Spencer will not be happy in New York. I told that to my parents tonight and they said that he will be happy as long as he is with me (after having a good laugh that I would worry about such a thing). I am trying to just breath and act logistically. Make a list, slowly check tasks off the list. I am trying to remind myself that once I am there I will be fine (this is true of all of my big moves). I remember the weeks leading up to leaving for the Air Force Basic Training I had feelings similar to the ones I have now. And actually now that I think about it, I was really nervous to start college. As a 27 year old freshman that had gotten out of the miitary only days before, I felt old and did not know anyone. Driving to campus at 8 am on that Tuesday morning I wanted to throw up. But after the first class I knew it would be fine and I could do it. Change is hard and scary but that does not mean it is wrong. I need to follow this through.
