Conan O'Brien Shennanigans

I have been following the Conan VS NBS/Jay Leno situation pretty closely. Conan has been a favorite late night host of mine for like 15 years. The other night on his show he said that he was selling the Tonight Show on Craigslist. I thought that was funny, and responded to the ad with the following:

My Dear Conan,

I would like to buy your Tonight Show. I took a good long look at my bank accounts and have decided to make you a solid offer: $75 (I could offer more, but $75 is a check you can actually take to the bank). In addition to that generous offer I also offer you the joy that comes with having a brand new bff (although I think this term is considered 90’s and has been replaced with “bestie”). In the unlikely event that my monies are inadequate, I can still offer you the best friend slot. I might even prefer that since I live in Pennsylvania and you may be moving back to the East Coast (hello, if given a choice, how could you not choose the right coast). I have been to LA and hated it. Highways. Planet Hollywoods. Meh.

A little about myself:

I am 30.

I am a veteran.

I graduate with a bachelor’s in Speech Communication this May.

I have not had a job in 18 months by choice. I live off the GI Bill, student loans, money I got in my divorce that I should have saved for retirement or a house down-payment but decided to instead squander on not having to wait tables at Chili’s during a recession while I finished school. But what started as a good reason has blossomed into an addicition. Not working is really fun. After I graduate I need to get a job. But I have such a good thing going here...I am sorry to see it go. How can I get money but still do whatever I want?

I am a dog-lover and child skeptic. I like my niece and nephew, but only when they are pretty and good. When they are dirty and bad, I start looking for the “mute” or “pause” or “off” button, but have not yet figured that out. To clarify,“off” like “sleep,” not “off” like “kill.”

Dogs on the other hand…***sigh*** …I have included a picture of my dog Sir Spencer Rooney. He is 5 and a half, likes naps, snacks, having his belly rubbed and dislikes baths. That is my exact likes/dislikes list. He was hit by a car 2 years ago. I got a divorce. He had to have a foreign body surgically removed from his stomach since he likes to eat garbage. I had to attend court-ordered alcohol counseling. The list of similarities goes on and on. If we are chosen for the show, Spencer would take over La Bamba’s job. He is an excellent musician.

I am teetering on the fine line between regular and plus sizes. I have been mistaken for a pregnant woman 3 times in the past year but think that I look more like Peter Griffin naked than a pregnant woman. I have included a portrait from the Family Guy that accurately depicts my boyfriend and me in the shower. I like to compare myself to Peter Griffin while standing naked in front of my boyfriend. He is a lucky man. He would take over Andy's job since I imagine that you stand in front of Andy naked and compare yourself to Olive Oil and he still smiles and tells you he loves you.

Although I would love to be a skinny-minny like my freaking sisters, I find that food tastes good. Also, exercising dries out my hair (sweat= the need for a shower….its a mess, why do it?) So maybe I am more plump than the average TV personality. But if Andy and Oprah can do it, why can’t I? Plus, since when was it sexy to be able to see bone on a woman’s chest (Kelly Ripa, I like you. You look hungry. I have made you a delicious sandwich. Go ahead my love…eat.) Also, the late night line up could use a lady touch I think.

You are the only comedian that has ever made me horse laugh every time I watch your show(s). My sister and I used to stay up late to watch your Late Night show in junior high and high school, holding our sides, laughing until it hurt you are so funny. So seriously: 1. Best Friendship. 2. I will be the next Tonight Show host for $75.

Forever Yours,

Regina

PS- Conan, do you want to call me so that we can get to know each other over the phone first? I thought so: 325-370-4245.

Oh, Florida

Dear Friends,

Jon and I tried to extend the relaxation of the holiday season by taking a vacation in West Palm Beach Florida this week. We did not have an agenda for the four days. We just wanted to lay on the beach & relax. We each brought several books and looked forward to the warmer climate.
Crabby old Mother Nature had other plans though. The temperatures peaked at 60 degrees and went into the 30's at night. We did our best to enjoy the warmER weather, but it did suck that for the few hours a time we were able to be outside, we were bundled in sweaters.
In addition to the unseasonablly cold weather (for Florida), our hotel had construction crews in multiple rooms right near ours. The sounds of hammers, drills and apparently a jackhammer at one point echoed through our room when we were trying to take afternoon naps or sit on the balcony. Boo!

Highlights: -Flying the screaming eagle kite. -Having one Jon rescue said kite from the ocean. -Seeing Avatar in 3D. It got horrible reviews and I don't care: I loved it. -Ordering room service and staying in being lazy Sunday night. -Monday's delicious 2 hour nap. I love Hilton's sheets: so comfy. -Getting away with my mans.

Lowlights: -Cold winds. -Crying children. -Tuesday's four hour nap: too long. I wasted too much time sleeping and hate waking up after it has been dark for a while. -Non-existent Einstein Bros. Bagels and mystical tennis courts we were never able to find. -AirTran: disorganized!

It was a nice, restful trip even though I am not tan. I missed Spencer and am looking forward to the rest of this weekend with Jon before he goes back to work. Next week I plan to visit my Grandmom, take Spencer and his Snuggie to the park, go to the gym, finish my holiday reading (I don't let myself read for pleasure while I'm in school since there is so much school reading I should-- and generally won't-- be doing) and visit with a few friends.

2010 will be a good year.

-I finish school in May and will hopefully be gainfully employed by June.
-I am planning to go to Israel to visit my dear friend Dalia for a week or two in May.
-I may go back down to Florida in March to visit my dad's parents over Spring Break. Pop pop is supposed to have knee replacement surgery in the next few months and is not a great patient. Self-involved as I am, I can be pretty entertaining in a pinch. Perhaps an oldest granddaughter is what is needed to lift the spirits of a man who (at 72) grouchily shouts, "Golden years my ass!" In my senior years I hope to be more like my mom's mother who turns 90 on February 1. She is a true matriarch and I admire her very much. She got cancer at 80, but decided it was not going to be what got her and she has been cancer free for like 8 years. I want to tackle all of life's problems with that kind of bravery.
-I will welcome a new niece/nephew in March. Jon welcomes his first niece in April. Hooray for babies!

Unless they are crying on a plane.

I love you all.
Regina Van Winkle.

PS: In other news, I watched my first episode of Big Love last week and I am hooked. It is my new favorite show.

So Inconvenient

I have been on a documentary kick recently. Jon & I watched An Inconvenient Truth last week and I can't stop thinking about polar bears. Due to the melting polar ice caps, there is not enough ice for the polar bears to rest on when they are out looking for food. For the first time there is evidence of polar bears drowning because they had to keep swimming without rest.
Can we please get it together and stop the damage we are doing to the Earth?
http://www.climatecrisis.net/

Regina