Occupied Thoughts

I have been following the Occupy Wall Street movement and began to get involved a little bit with the local chapter, Occupy Lancaster. The outcry is necessary. The 99% are tired of the pipe dream that if they would only work harder, pull themselves up by those fucking bootstraps, then they too can have it all.
Here are some statistics for why I feel so strongly about this movement:

51.4% of Americans will live under the poverty line at least once before the age of 65.
15.4% of Americans are under the poverty line right now.

$10,800 is considered the poverty line for individuals.
$22.400 is the poverty line for a family of four.

14.5% of US households struggle to put food on the table.
9.8% of households with children struggle with food security.
1% of households with children (400,000 households) do not have enough to eat:  "the most severe food-insecure condition measured by USDA, very low food security, in which meals were irregular and food intake was below levels considered adequate by caregivers (Coleman-Jensen 2011, p. vi)."

A few years ago when the economy really started to tank I read an article talking about the increase in what the press coined the "economic homeless." This was meant to distinguish from the homeless that have severe mental illness and other "regular" homeless people. People that had owned homes, dental plans, 20 year careers that were laid off and left to rot, losing it all and having no where to go. Although I understand "economic homeless" distinction for the purposes of explaining the sudden increase in homelessness, I think it is more helpful to lose the distinctions of "us" and "them," and realize that these days all of us are just a few thin safety nets away from being a part of that statistic.

Did you know.....
25% of people that are homeless have severe mental illness. The first signs of mental illness are often exbited in early adulthood.
6% of the US population has severe mental illness.

My use of these statistics is not meant to draw any lines of separation but to demonstrate the range, breadth and proximity of the various human conditions.

Did you know that there are homeless kids in their late teens, 20's and 30's that live in Lancaster, our little city? The men and women that have told me their stories of how they became homeless have ordinary coming-of-age stories: high school graduation, college, jobs, apartments, car payments, trips to Europe. And then they got kicked in the teeth by the economy and did not have a net.

I have spent the past year feeling sorry for myself that things have been pretty difficult economically and that I have not been able to find a job that utilizes my college degree. I occasionally think about what I would do if one or two more things go wrong and I find myself with no means to pay my bills and no home as a result. But I do have a safety net: Mary and Dominic, my parents. They would never let me go hungry and I know that I am always welcome to move back home with them.

If the Occupy movements do not succeed in changing the ways the 1% get to do what they want, elect their own politicians, lobby their own causes, write their own tax breaks, etc I think that the movement will not have been in vain. It has shown us that times are hard for everyone. That we need to be there for one another. That we do not need to be embarrassed that we are having a hard time because our neighbors, friends and families are having a hard time too. I think that it is establishing a community of people that will act as one another's safety net.

You are hungry? I have bread.
You are cold? Please have my extra coat.
You are tired? Me too.

Regina Spektor "Laughing With"

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor

No one laughs at God
When the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one’s laughing at God
When it’s gotten real late
And their kid’s not back from the party yet

No one laughs at God
When their airplane start to uncontrollably shake
No one’s laughing at God
When they see the one they love, hand in hand with someone else
And they hope that they’re mistaken

No one laughs at God
When the cops knock on their door
And they say we got some bad news, sir
No one’s laughing at God
When there’s a famine or fire or flood

*Chorus*
But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious
Ha ha
Ha ha

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’ve lost all they’ve got
And they don’t know what for

No one laughs at God on the day they realize
That the last sight they’ll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes
No one’s laughing at God when they’re saying their goodbyes
But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one laughing at God in hospital
No one’s laughing at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God when they’re starving or freezing or so very
poor

No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
We’re all laughing with God

Oh recession, you scamp

I quit my job. Too much stress. Too crappy of a schedule. Too little money.
Going to start working at Chili's again.
Not sure where to go from here.
Grad school?
Move to a bigger city?
Civil service tests?
Run away?
A lot of wheel spinning is going on....

Aunts Club

Six weeks ago my sister Bethany visited for 5 days. She lives in Chicago and I had not seen her in a year. I picked her up from the airport and 10 minutes into the drive home it felt like our spirits synced up again. Here's to a lifetime of being there for one another (you too, Ben & Lauren).

Growing up Beth & I were only 2 grades apart and often shared (and occasionally feuded over) friends. As adults this is still true (we no longer feud over ladies we love...we share so nicely, Mom). Two days into her visit we were out with a group of girlfriends at Lancaster Dispensing Company. After a few stories were told about nieces and nephews we realized every woman at the table was a proud aunt and that none of us were mothers. We laughed about this, took a few pictures and dubbed the group Aunts Club.

One month later I am still thinking about that night. Two things stand out. The first is the obvious one: being an aunt is awesome. When I moved back to Lancaster 4.5 years ago Orla was 3 years old and Kara was 8 months pregnant with Naftali. In such a short amount of time Orla has blossomed from an adorable, chubby toddler to a big girl who just finished first grade and is so smart and athletic and beautiful. Naftali is imaginative and stubborn. He figures things out and has amazing coordination. Newest edition Ursa Honey is a perfect delight. Her laugh, her faltering steps, her delight at the world...Le Sigh. Aunthood. Thanks, Ben & Kara.

The second thing: this community of women with whom I share fun and fears, heartbreak and hijinks, love and loss. And amazing alliteration. I love them for their individuality and desire for authenticity. I share in their desire to follow their bliss rather than subscribe to a societal ideal.

I am honored to partake in this community of women with generous, rich, textured lives. We make time for one another. We get each other birthday presents. We talk about books we have read and political issues we care about. We pore over Vogue and shop at thrift stores. We help one another move and support each other's causes. We accept flaws and praise strengths.

I look forward to the long lives our friendships will have. I look forward to sharing in the various stages of my life with my fellow Aunts Club members. My heart is full.

Really, Regina?

I overslept Monday and was an hour late for work. I wish the world would just be ok with the face that Regina does not always wake up to her alarm and will sometimes be outrageously late.

I work ALL of the hours the other supervisors at my job do not want to work: evenings and weekends. So in many ways I kind of feel like my occassional tardiness is nothing compared to me spending every weekend sitting at work while they get to have normal weekends.

It does not help matters that I do not get paid a living wage. What kind of an incentive is that for a timely arrival at work? I guess the incentive is implied, ie: get to work on time or stop receiving any kind of paycheck, even a crappy one.

I bought a new laptop Monday after work. My reasoning being that I cannot be expected to find a better job if I am searching on a computer that does not always work. Hopefully this will really motivate the old job search rather than just get me hooked on watching youtube videos all summer. Fingers crossed.

The Perils of Online Dating

I have been single since last September. I have been enrolled in 1 or 2 dating websites since October. I love to meet new people and kind of love first dates. I have zero expectations. If it goes well, then I have a potential love interest or a new friend. If it goes horribly I have fodder for excellent stories with which I entertain my friends.

A few days ago I messaged a guy to check out my profile and write back if he was interested. He did and we messaged a few times. Wednesday night I gave him my phone number and yesterday he contacted me. I have documented our communication as a cautionary tale to any who care to read:

10:10 am I missed a call from the guy, Jeff. He left a long message apologizing if he had left me any rude messages the night before. He had not....

10:50 am I text him: Hi. Sorry I missed ur call. I did not receive any other communication from you yesterday so you are in the clear.

I then left to go to work until 9 pm and forgot to take my phone with me.

11:55 am He texts me: I like what I hear.

4:30 pm He texts me: Hey, I'm free Saturday now anytime. Do you think you could do something? :) I'll call you later.

4:31 pm He texts me: Had plans with someone for a first date meeting an hour and a half away. On second thought, nah. ..So I canceled.

5:48 pm He texts me: Alrighty maybe I shouldn't call later since you're not responding. I thought it was a good gesture to cancel plans to be with you. I'm a dork obviously.

6:00 pm He called and left a normal sounding voicemail that he wanted to call me before he went out to dinner with friends.

6:39 pm He texts me: Makes me pretty upset when a girl says call me and misses it and apologizes via text and doesn't answer subsequent calls but another to make someone feel like you're playing mind games. So I'm not available on Saturday anymore. Peace.

9:40 pm I leave him a message saying that I had left my phone at home while I was at work and that I did not think he had reason to get upset since we have never met.

10:03 pm I Text him: As my vm explains, I left my phone at home and was at work. I think you overreacted- we do not know each other.

11:06 pm He texts me: Ok, I'm impatient sometimes. It overcomes any common sense I have and I figured you were at work or something. Still awake?

11:07 pm I text: Yes

11:10 pm He tries to call me but my phone does not ring.

11:11 pm He texts: I can't text marathon. I don't like it. But we can talk another time since you are not available again evidently. Lol.

11:12 pm You're right. We don't know each other, so call me back if you want- I'll be up for a bit.

11:12 pm I call and we talk for a few minutes. He had apologized for jumping to conclusions but I still felt cautious. I did agree to meet him on Tuesday. When he asked why I did not sound excited and got upset when I did not have a response that suited his idea of what I should say. There were too many red flags so I canceled the date. He hung up on me.

The rest of this communication if from him, I did not respond at all. Caution: strong language.

11:30 pm Jesus Christ someone has a fucking temper on her...why would I be excited to go on a date with someone who sounds like a fucking bitch? Ooooh, she agreed to meet...

11:31 pm I'm all fucking excited while you sound like a bitch on the phone. Why don't you try sounding happy, or like you could give a shit instead of uh huhs as responses.

11:32 pm I'm so sick of bitches like you. I bet you think you could fight a man too because you're tough. And probably think "I don't need a man" either. Well fuck you.

11:33 pm Why don't you lighten the fuck up and stop being a combative cunt like you were in your first email to me. "Tell me more" you say! Ha ha fuck you bitch, see ya.

11:34 pm You have that fucking tone of voice because of men who treat you like the fucking cunt you are. It's all your fault, why don't you try harder to act NICE and maybe you wouldn't be single dating fucking SCUM!

Fuck that shit

I finally commited to being a vegetarian 3 weeks ago. I was doing great. Today I was watching my brother's kids and fed them their dinner. I ate with them and one hour later remembered that vegetarians do not eat hot dogs, even organic ones on whole wheat buns. FTS.

Among other things, I am still sad and feel angsty about the events of September 2010. FTS.

Cue Death Cab for Cutie

Last week Jon Crum got engaged to his girlfriend of three months.

In fall of 2008 I read an article that said women want to marry the right man and conversely men want to marry the woman they are with when they feel it is the right time for them to get married.

Although I cannot quite manage to be overjoyed that he has found the One, I also do not wish it was me which gives my little heart a break. I have managed to be congratulatory. Look at me...

In other news, I saw crocuses blooming yesterday. I had yesterday off and it rained the entire day. The rain beat against the windows and washed the last of the snow away. Cleansing. I am looking forward.