Oh recession, you scamp

I quit my job. Too much stress. Too crappy of a schedule. Too little money.
Going to start working at Chili's again.
Not sure where to go from here.
Grad school?
Move to a bigger city?
Civil service tests?
Run away?
A lot of wheel spinning is going on....

Aunts Club

Six weeks ago my sister Bethany visited for 5 days. She lives in Chicago and I had not seen her in a year. I picked her up from the airport and 10 minutes into the drive home it felt like our spirits synced up again. Here's to a lifetime of being there for one another (you too, Ben & Lauren).

Growing up Beth & I were only 2 grades apart and often shared (and occasionally feuded over) friends. As adults this is still true (we no longer feud over ladies we love...we share so nicely, Mom). Two days into her visit we were out with a group of girlfriends at Lancaster Dispensing Company. After a few stories were told about nieces and nephews we realized every woman at the table was a proud aunt and that none of us were mothers. We laughed about this, took a few pictures and dubbed the group Aunts Club.

One month later I am still thinking about that night. Two things stand out. The first is the obvious one: being an aunt is awesome. When I moved back to Lancaster 4.5 years ago Orla was 3 years old and Kara was 8 months pregnant with Naftali. In such a short amount of time Orla has blossomed from an adorable, chubby toddler to a big girl who just finished first grade and is so smart and athletic and beautiful. Naftali is imaginative and stubborn. He figures things out and has amazing coordination. Newest edition Ursa Honey is a perfect delight. Her laugh, her faltering steps, her delight at the world...Le Sigh. Aunthood. Thanks, Ben & Kara.

The second thing: this community of women with whom I share fun and fears, heartbreak and hijinks, love and loss. And amazing alliteration. I love them for their individuality and desire for authenticity. I share in their desire to follow their bliss rather than subscribe to a societal ideal.

I am honored to partake in this community of women with generous, rich, textured lives. We make time for one another. We get each other birthday presents. We talk about books we have read and political issues we care about. We pore over Vogue and shop at thrift stores. We help one another move and support each other's causes. We accept flaws and praise strengths.

I look forward to the long lives our friendships will have. I look forward to sharing in the various stages of my life with my fellow Aunts Club members. My heart is full.

Really, Regina?

I overslept Monday and was an hour late for work. I wish the world would just be ok with the face that Regina does not always wake up to her alarm and will sometimes be outrageously late.

I work ALL of the hours the other supervisors at my job do not want to work: evenings and weekends. So in many ways I kind of feel like my occassional tardiness is nothing compared to me spending every weekend sitting at work while they get to have normal weekends.

It does not help matters that I do not get paid a living wage. What kind of an incentive is that for a timely arrival at work? I guess the incentive is implied, ie: get to work on time or stop receiving any kind of paycheck, even a crappy one.

I bought a new laptop Monday after work. My reasoning being that I cannot be expected to find a better job if I am searching on a computer that does not always work. Hopefully this will really motivate the old job search rather than just get me hooked on watching youtube videos all summer. Fingers crossed.

The Perils of Online Dating

I have been single since last September. I have been enrolled in 1 or 2 dating websites since October. I love to meet new people and kind of love first dates. I have zero expectations. If it goes well, then I have a potential love interest or a new friend. If it goes horribly I have fodder for excellent stories with which I entertain my friends.

A few days ago I messaged a guy to check out my profile and write back if he was interested. He did and we messaged a few times. Wednesday night I gave him my phone number and yesterday he contacted me. I have documented our communication as a cautionary tale to any who care to read:

10:10 am I missed a call from the guy, Jeff. He left a long message apologizing if he had left me any rude messages the night before. He had not....

10:50 am I text him: Hi. Sorry I missed ur call. I did not receive any other communication from you yesterday so you are in the clear.

I then left to go to work until 9 pm and forgot to take my phone with me.

11:55 am He texts me: I like what I hear.

4:30 pm He texts me: Hey, I'm free Saturday now anytime. Do you think you could do something? :) I'll call you later.

4:31 pm He texts me: Had plans with someone for a first date meeting an hour and a half away. On second thought, nah. ..So I canceled.

5:48 pm He texts me: Alrighty maybe I shouldn't call later since you're not responding. I thought it was a good gesture to cancel plans to be with you. I'm a dork obviously.

6:00 pm He called and left a normal sounding voicemail that he wanted to call me before he went out to dinner with friends.

6:39 pm He texts me: Makes me pretty upset when a girl says call me and misses it and apologizes via text and doesn't answer subsequent calls but another to make someone feel like you're playing mind games. So I'm not available on Saturday anymore. Peace.

9:40 pm I leave him a message saying that I had left my phone at home while I was at work and that I did not think he had reason to get upset since we have never met.

10:03 pm I Text him: As my vm explains, I left my phone at home and was at work. I think you overreacted- we do not know each other.

11:06 pm He texts me: Ok, I'm impatient sometimes. It overcomes any common sense I have and I figured you were at work or something. Still awake?

11:07 pm I text: Yes

11:10 pm He tries to call me but my phone does not ring.

11:11 pm He texts: I can't text marathon. I don't like it. But we can talk another time since you are not available again evidently. Lol.

11:12 pm You're right. We don't know each other, so call me back if you want- I'll be up for a bit.

11:12 pm I call and we talk for a few minutes. He had apologized for jumping to conclusions but I still felt cautious. I did agree to meet him on Tuesday. When he asked why I did not sound excited and got upset when I did not have a response that suited his idea of what I should say. There were too many red flags so I canceled the date. He hung up on me.

The rest of this communication if from him, I did not respond at all. Caution: strong language.

11:30 pm Jesus Christ someone has a fucking temper on her...why would I be excited to go on a date with someone who sounds like a fucking bitch? Ooooh, she agreed to meet...

11:31 pm I'm all fucking excited while you sound like a bitch on the phone. Why don't you try sounding happy, or like you could give a shit instead of uh huhs as responses.

11:32 pm I'm so sick of bitches like you. I bet you think you could fight a man too because you're tough. And probably think "I don't need a man" either. Well fuck you.

11:33 pm Why don't you lighten the fuck up and stop being a combative cunt like you were in your first email to me. "Tell me more" you say! Ha ha fuck you bitch, see ya.

11:34 pm You have that fucking tone of voice because of men who treat you like the fucking cunt you are. It's all your fault, why don't you try harder to act NICE and maybe you wouldn't be single dating fucking SCUM!

Fuck that shit

I finally commited to being a vegetarian 3 weeks ago. I was doing great. Today I was watching my brother's kids and fed them their dinner. I ate with them and one hour later remembered that vegetarians do not eat hot dogs, even organic ones on whole wheat buns. FTS.

Among other things, I am still sad and feel angsty about the events of September 2010. FTS.

Cue Death Cab for Cutie

Last week Jon Crum got engaged to his girlfriend of three months.

In fall of 2008 I read an article that said women want to marry the right man and conversely men want to marry the woman they are with when they feel it is the right time for them to get married.

Although I cannot quite manage to be overjoyed that he has found the One, I also do not wish it was me which gives my little heart a break. I have managed to be congratulatory. Look at me...

In other news, I saw crocuses blooming yesterday. I had yesterday off and it rained the entire day. The rain beat against the windows and washed the last of the snow away. Cleansing. I am looking forward.

Two Beers

I have had a love/hate relationship with winter ever since I moved back to Lancaster 4 years ago.

Winter is exponentially improved if you have a good coat that you love, which I got last year. Previous years I had a combination of warm coats I hated, vintage down vests that stank of wet feathers, cute coats that were not warm and an overabundance of sweatshirts left over from when I lived in Texas and a sweatshirt was all you really needed for the cold.

Last winter we got an enormous amount of snow but I was content to nest: cooking delicious dish after dish.

This year I had to shovel the intersection of Spruce and Pine streets in Lancaster since I knew that a plow would never make it down Spruce. I was content with the work. The sore arms reminded me of the work associated with winter but also the satisfaction of it. While shoveling I warmed to the task, forced to be outside. I looked around and watched the fat flakes drift lazily down from the sky. I was content. Content with my life and content with this winter, for all its inconveniences.

Tonight I was invited to the soft opening of a bar. I arrived after they had closed but was given a free beer. Combined with my empty stomach, the strong beer made me feel warm and cozy. At home I drank the last of the Pabst Blue Ribbon's I had in my minifridge. I feel completely satisfied. As the freezing rain pours out of the sky, covering the streets outside, I am content.