This blog will be about three things: tickets, moving and anxiety.
1. TICKETS. Usually I am very Zen about tickets. I get a lot of them and rarely let them get me down. Speeding tickets, parking tickets, tollbooth tickets, overdue library book tickets for chrissakes! I just park where I want and drive how I please and pay the fucking fines. But tonight I got a ticket at 11 pm and I am down about it. The cop was rude to me. He pulled me over for an expired registration that I did not even know about. He told me right away that he was giving me a ticket, even though I said that I did not receive notice that it was expiring and thought that it did not expire until the end of this month. He and a cop that emerged from a second cruiser shone their flahslights into the cab of my car and asked if I had any drugs or weapons. A third police car crept slowly by and I started to feel kind of paranoid. And I am trying to save money because I am moving so I am bummed at having to pay this damn citation...........speaking of...
2. MOVING. I am moving to NYC with my best boy friend, Kristopher Horner and of course my beloved dog Sir Spencer Rooney. We are going to see if that big old city can provide some opportunities that Lancaster is not able to provide. We are certain that there will be hijinks and adventures although I have plenty of those in my beloved Lancaster. I am happy with this decision and know that if I do not like it I can always move back. I am sad about leaving but it is time.
3. ANXIOUS. My anxiety has been through the roof recently. I am really sad about leaving Lancaster. I love it here. But I have not found a fulfilling job and I really want the chance to have a more rewarding career. I am anxious that it is not the job market, it is me. I am anxious that Spencer will not be happy in New York. I told that to my parents tonight and they said that he will be happy as long as he is with me (after having a good laugh that I would worry about such a thing). I am trying to just breath and act logistically. Make a list, slowly check tasks off the list. I am trying to remind myself that once I am there I will be fine (this is true of all of my big moves). I remember the weeks leading up to leaving for the Air Force Basic Training I had feelings similar to the ones I have now. And actually now that I think about it, I was really nervous to start college. As a 27 year old freshman that had gotten out of the miitary only days before, I felt old and did not know anyone. Driving to campus at 8 am on that Tuesday morning I wanted to throw up. But after the first class I knew it would be fine and I could do it. Change is hard and scary but that does not mean it is wrong. I need to follow this through.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Straight Talk with Regina
I really love giving advice. I am good at giving both good and bad advice.
You got haters? Fuck those fat fucks.
You hate your job? Quit today and live off the land.
Is your boyfriend being shady? I will follow him in my car like the private eye I long to be. When you decline, citing that as ridiculous behavior, I might follow him anyway and perform a small background check. Don't worry, I will only tell you if I have any juicy findings. If he turns out to be a standup guy with a penchant for youtube kitten videos and late night stress snacking, then I will simply stop telling you to break up with him.
You got haters? Fuck those fat fucks.
You hate your job? Quit today and live off the land.
Is your boyfriend being shady? I will follow him in my car like the private eye I long to be. When you decline, citing that as ridiculous behavior, I might follow him anyway and perform a small background check. Don't worry, I will only tell you if I have any juicy findings. If he turns out to be a standup guy with a penchant for youtube kitten videos and late night stress snacking, then I will simply stop telling you to break up with him.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Spectacular, spectacular
How to get through a gray, drab winter:
1. Wear fancy things, diamonds if you have them
2. Take advantage of sunshiny afternoons.
3. Make new friends at work and get into a little bit of trouble here and there.
1. Wear fancy things, diamonds if you have them
2. Take advantage of sunshiny afternoons.
3. Make new friends at work and get into a little bit of trouble here and there.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
I'm feelin it
I LOVE being in my 30s. I think that it is silly that women dread aging. First of all, the process is not only inevitable and irreversible, but starts the day we are born. I feel more alive, intelligent, content, mature, sexy and beautiful than I did in my 20s. I look forward to the many years ahead of me and the process of aging, maturity, life stages, etc.
Here are a few goals for 2012:
1. Try to not get too fat this winter. I love cookies and hate cold so prior winters have been unsuccessful. Here's to portion control and the occassional wintery walk.
2. Do more drugs. I have spent a lot of time being cautious. I think I am going to experiment this year. Isn't 32 the age when most people go through this phase? Ha. Yes, I know that most of my peers are settling down and getting serious. I wanted that at 22 and it did not work out for me. So I will try to forge a path that will lead me towards MY bliss and no one else's.
3. Be open to falling in love again. I can still feel the sting of my last heartreak, but it is no longer debilitating. I am not there yet but maybe I will be again.
Back to aging...I like all the old memories and the perspective that only years can provide.
The past few years have been so difficult that I am thankful for the memories of times in my life that were blissful:
Laying on a net in the front of a catamaran sailing towards a small island off the coast of Puerto Rico. My tan legs were getting sprayed by the surf and I stared into the blue horizon. Later we would lunch on kiwi, strawberries, pina coladas and tunafish sandwiches. The sand of that beach was white and soft. The water was clear and warm. Snorkeling on a reef that was filled with fishes and other creatures I didn't even know to think about. The men sailing the catamaran were darkly tanned and muscular. I wondered how much they were paid and that everyone must be a fool to not desire a job that allows you to work in such idyllic conditions. Perhaps they were tired and headachy from the work and the sun. But then they dove into the ocean on their lunchbreak. It has to beat most of our daily grind bullshit.
Here are a few goals for 2012:
1. Try to not get too fat this winter. I love cookies and hate cold so prior winters have been unsuccessful. Here's to portion control and the occassional wintery walk.
2. Do more drugs. I have spent a lot of time being cautious. I think I am going to experiment this year. Isn't 32 the age when most people go through this phase? Ha. Yes, I know that most of my peers are settling down and getting serious. I wanted that at 22 and it did not work out for me. So I will try to forge a path that will lead me towards MY bliss and no one else's.
3. Be open to falling in love again. I can still feel the sting of my last heartreak, but it is no longer debilitating. I am not there yet but maybe I will be again.
Back to aging...I like all the old memories and the perspective that only years can provide.
The past few years have been so difficult that I am thankful for the memories of times in my life that were blissful:
Laying on a net in the front of a catamaran sailing towards a small island off the coast of Puerto Rico. My tan legs were getting sprayed by the surf and I stared into the blue horizon. Later we would lunch on kiwi, strawberries, pina coladas and tunafish sandwiches. The sand of that beach was white and soft. The water was clear and warm. Snorkeling on a reef that was filled with fishes and other creatures I didn't even know to think about. The men sailing the catamaran were darkly tanned and muscular. I wondered how much they were paid and that everyone must be a fool to not desire a job that allows you to work in such idyllic conditions. Perhaps they were tired and headachy from the work and the sun. But then they dove into the ocean on their lunchbreak. It has to beat most of our daily grind bullshit.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Limitless?
I started this little blog 3 years ago feeling very focused and thinking that I would be propelled into a successful career upon college graduation. I thought that I had spent years wasting time and being "unsuccessful." Huh. Am I back to wasting time? Or are some years just more difficult than others? It is easy to look back and say something was wrong when you are feeling right.
When I am in a relationship I pity people that have been single for a long time. When I am thin(ner) I wonder how the hell I could have ever let myself go...wonder why I was eating like shit and not exercising enough. When I have money, I forget just how stressful it is to not have money. Goddamn I can be a self-righteous ass.
I quit my job as a customer service supervisor 2 months ago and have been waiting tables (more money, flexible schedule, less responsibility) in the interim while I decide on my next step. I have been thinking about grad school. I have been thinking about barber school or beauty school. I have been thinking about moving to NYC or Philly or DC. I have been feeling frustrated and depressed because what I wanted was to find a job using my degree in Lancaster. That has not happened.
I just watched the movie Limitless where this dude in a depressed slump takes a drug and is able to fully reach his potential. His "before" life totally looks like mine does now. What do I need to do to fully reach MY potential?
Or is that the wrong question? Should I instead try harder to be content with the life that I do have? Is this me being ungrateful and thinking that there is something wrong with my nice life?
What am I missing?
When I am in a relationship I pity people that have been single for a long time. When I am thin(ner) I wonder how the hell I could have ever let myself go...wonder why I was eating like shit and not exercising enough. When I have money, I forget just how stressful it is to not have money. Goddamn I can be a self-righteous ass.
I quit my job as a customer service supervisor 2 months ago and have been waiting tables (more money, flexible schedule, less responsibility) in the interim while I decide on my next step. I have been thinking about grad school. I have been thinking about barber school or beauty school. I have been thinking about moving to NYC or Philly or DC. I have been feeling frustrated and depressed because what I wanted was to find a job using my degree in Lancaster. That has not happened.
I just watched the movie Limitless where this dude in a depressed slump takes a drug and is able to fully reach his potential. His "before" life totally looks like mine does now. What do I need to do to fully reach MY potential?
Or is that the wrong question? Should I instead try harder to be content with the life that I do have? Is this me being ungrateful and thinking that there is something wrong with my nice life?
What am I missing?
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Occupied Thoughts
I have been following the Occupy Wall Street movement and began to get involved a little bit with the local chapter, Occupy Lancaster. The outcry is necessary. The 99% are tired of the pipe dream that if they would only work harder, pull themselves up by those fucking bootstraps, then they too can have it all.
Here are some statistics for why I feel so strongly about this movement:
51.4% of Americans will live under the poverty line at least once before the age of 65.
15.4% of Americans are under the poverty line right now.
$10,800 is considered the poverty line for individuals.
$22.400 is the poverty line for a family of four.
14.5% of US households struggle to put food on the table.
9.8% of households with children struggle with food security.
1% of households with children (400,000 households) do not have enough to eat: "the most severe food-insecure condition measured by USDA, very low food security, in which meals were irregular and food intake was below levels considered adequate by caregivers (Coleman-Jensen 2011, p. vi)."
A few years ago when the economy really started to tank I read an article talking about the increase in what the press coined the "economic homeless." This was meant to distinguish from the homeless that have severe mental illness and other "regular" homeless people. People that had owned homes, dental plans, 20 year careers that were laid off and left to rot, losing it all and having no where to go. Although I understand "economic homeless" distinction for the purposes of explaining the sudden increase in homelessness, I think it is more helpful to lose the distinctions of "us" and "them," and realize that these days all of us are just a few thin safety nets away from being a part of that statistic.
Did you know.....
25% of people that are homeless have severe mental illness. The first signs of mental illness are often exbited in early adulthood.
6% of the US population has severe mental illness.
My use of these statistics is not meant to draw any lines of separation but to demonstrate the range, breadth and proximity of the various human conditions.
Did you know that there are homeless kids in their late teens, 20's and 30's that live in Lancaster, our little city? The men and women that have told me their stories of how they became homeless have ordinary coming-of-age stories: high school graduation, college, jobs, apartments, car payments, trips to Europe. And then they got kicked in the teeth by the economy and did not have a net.
I have spent the past year feeling sorry for myself that things have been pretty difficult economically and that I have not been able to find a job that utilizes my college degree. I occasionally think about what I would do if one or two more things go wrong and I find myself with no means to pay my bills and no home as a result. But I do have a safety net: Mary and Dominic, my parents. They would never let me go hungry and I know that I am always welcome to move back home with them.
If the Occupy movements do not succeed in changing the ways the 1% get to do what they want, elect their own politicians, lobby their own causes, write their own tax breaks, etc I think that the movement will not have been in vain. It has shown us that times are hard for everyone. That we need to be there for one another. That we do not need to be embarrassed that we are having a hard time because our neighbors, friends and families are having a hard time too. I think that it is establishing a community of people that will act as one another's safety net.
You are hungry? I have bread.
You are cold? Please have my extra coat.
You are tired? Me too.
Regina Spektor "Laughing With"
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor
No one laughs at God
When the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one’s laughing at God
When it’s gotten real late
And their kid’s not back from the party yet
No one laughs at God
When their airplane start to uncontrollably shake
No one’s laughing at God
When they see the one they love, hand in hand with someone else
And they hope that they’re mistaken
No one laughs at God
When the cops knock on their door
And they say we got some bad news, sir
No one’s laughing at God
When there’s a famine or fire or flood
*Chorus*
But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious
Ha ha
Ha ha
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’ve lost all they’ve got
And they don’t know what for
No one laughs at God on the day they realize
That the last sight they’ll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes
No one’s laughing at God when they’re saying their goodbyes
But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one laughing at God in hospital
No one’s laughing at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God when they’re starving or freezing or so very
poor
No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
We’re all laughing with God
Here are some statistics for why I feel so strongly about this movement:
51.4% of Americans will live under the poverty line at least once before the age of 65.
15.4% of Americans are under the poverty line right now.
$10,800 is considered the poverty line for individuals.
$22.400 is the poverty line for a family of four.
14.5% of US households struggle to put food on the table.
9.8% of households with children struggle with food security.
1% of households with children (400,000 households) do not have enough to eat: "the most severe food-insecure condition measured by USDA, very low food security, in which meals were irregular and food intake was below levels considered adequate by caregivers (Coleman-Jensen 2011, p. vi)."
A few years ago when the economy really started to tank I read an article talking about the increase in what the press coined the "economic homeless." This was meant to distinguish from the homeless that have severe mental illness and other "regular" homeless people. People that had owned homes, dental plans, 20 year careers that were laid off and left to rot, losing it all and having no where to go. Although I understand "economic homeless" distinction for the purposes of explaining the sudden increase in homelessness, I think it is more helpful to lose the distinctions of "us" and "them," and realize that these days all of us are just a few thin safety nets away from being a part of that statistic.
Did you know.....
25% of people that are homeless have severe mental illness. The first signs of mental illness are often exbited in early adulthood.
6% of the US population has severe mental illness.
My use of these statistics is not meant to draw any lines of separation but to demonstrate the range, breadth and proximity of the various human conditions.
Did you know that there are homeless kids in their late teens, 20's and 30's that live in Lancaster, our little city? The men and women that have told me their stories of how they became homeless have ordinary coming-of-age stories: high school graduation, college, jobs, apartments, car payments, trips to Europe. And then they got kicked in the teeth by the economy and did not have a net.
I have spent the past year feeling sorry for myself that things have been pretty difficult economically and that I have not been able to find a job that utilizes my college degree. I occasionally think about what I would do if one or two more things go wrong and I find myself with no means to pay my bills and no home as a result. But I do have a safety net: Mary and Dominic, my parents. They would never let me go hungry and I know that I am always welcome to move back home with them.
If the Occupy movements do not succeed in changing the ways the 1% get to do what they want, elect their own politicians, lobby their own causes, write their own tax breaks, etc I think that the movement will not have been in vain. It has shown us that times are hard for everyone. That we need to be there for one another. That we do not need to be embarrassed that we are having a hard time because our neighbors, friends and families are having a hard time too. I think that it is establishing a community of people that will act as one another's safety net.
You are hungry? I have bread.
You are cold? Please have my extra coat.
You are tired? Me too.
Regina Spektor "Laughing With"
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor
No one laughs at God
When the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one’s laughing at God
When it’s gotten real late
And their kid’s not back from the party yet
No one laughs at God
When their airplane start to uncontrollably shake
No one’s laughing at God
When they see the one they love, hand in hand with someone else
And they hope that they’re mistaken
No one laughs at God
When the cops knock on their door
And they say we got some bad news, sir
No one’s laughing at God
When there’s a famine or fire or flood
*Chorus*
But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious
Ha ha
Ha ha
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’ve lost all they’ve got
And they don’t know what for
No one laughs at God on the day they realize
That the last sight they’ll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes
No one’s laughing at God when they’re saying their goodbyes
But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one laughing at God in hospital
No one’s laughing at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God when they’re starving or freezing or so very
poor
No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
We’re all laughing with God
Monday, October 3, 2011
Oh recession, you scamp
I quit my job. Too much stress. Too crappy of a schedule. Too little money.
Going to start working at Chili's again.
Not sure where to go from here.
Grad school?
Move to a bigger city?
Civil service tests?
Run away?
A lot of wheel spinning is going on....
Going to start working at Chili's again.
Not sure where to go from here.
Grad school?
Move to a bigger city?
Civil service tests?
Run away?
A lot of wheel spinning is going on....
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